Today I’m going to talk about my new life {so to say} as an empty nester. My son left for college about 7 weeks ago, which you may have heard me mention a time or two! It’s a strange new world & I thought I’d share a little about my {limited} experience in having an empty nest. Maybe it will help someone in the same boat, but mostly it’s just therapeutic for me to write about it! : )
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Senior Year
I always thought I would be okay with my son leaving & it wouldn’t affect me too much. I’m a very independent person & I raised my son to be that way. How hard could it be to watch him move on when that was the goal all along? Harder than I expected! Almost as soon as he was registered for his senior year in high school, I start crying. It just got worse the closer it came to graduation.
I would just be going about the normal routine & realize things that would be different once he was gone. I mean when you take care of someone for 18 years, it’s hard to let that go!
Graduation night I was a mess! It didn’t help that his last name put him at almost the end of over 200 graduates. Once it was finally over, I was so proud & happy. It seemed I just needed to get past that point. Wrong again!
Move Out Day
My son decided to stay home for the summer as many do. He looked for a part time job which didn’t come about until a month before he would leave. Since I teach, I had the summer off as well.
I really enjoyed being able to spend that time with him. At one point I worried that he wouldn’t be leaving. He still hadn’t registered for college or started any paper work. As much as I would miss him, I knew I had to push him a little.
He finally got the ball rolling at the beginning of September. This required several emails, trips, & phone calls between here and Atlanta, which is 3 hours away. Move in day was September 27th.
We spent the week before packing & sorting & crying {me}. Early that morning we {husband, son, & me} all packed into the vehicle which just had room for us to sit by that point. I held it together during the drive up, through orientation {so long!}, & moving him into the apartment.
Then the flood gates opened!
The day was stressful & my son moved into an apartment with already established students. They were still out on break, so he was alone. It was really hard to leave him there by himself, but I did.
Then I cried for the first 45 minutes of the ride back. Big, heart wrenching tears & gulps. Such a mess!
Finally I texted him to check on him & one of the roommates had shown up. That made me feel marginally better. We texted almost daily until he started classes. It slowed a little & there have been some phone calls.
Not daily, but that’s because he’s doing well & that’s great & I’m happy for him.
I’m still struggling a little!
As I try to find my new “normal” I’ve realized it’s not all bad. There’s some good & some weird things that come along with being an empty nester. Maybe they’re only weird to me, but maybe some can relate!
The Good, the Bad, & the Weird
Okay, let’s get the bad out of the way first! And these things are not necessarily bad, just hard.
- We used to watch shows on TV together. We’d climb on my bed, grab a snack, & discuss as we watched. My husband doesn’t like talking when he’s watching TV! Boo!
- The conversations. My son would just come in and tell me all about whatever he was into at the moment. I miss that.
- Riding home or anywhere alone. My son rode home with me from school because I taught at his school. He would ride with me to the store & help with groceries. Now it’s lots of lonely riding.
- No help with taking out the trash & walking the dogs! Those were my son’s duties. All I had to do was remind him to do them. Now, they are my duties! Well, my husband & I are learning to split them. We just have to remember to take out the trash! ; )
- I miss my son’s experiments. He was always wanting to try some experiment he saw on YouTube & I had to be sure of the safety of these experiments. Sometimes it was just finding a new recipe to try out.
The Good
These are just things I’ve noticed & thought, hey, that’s a plus to having an empty nest!
- Less trash. Even though I have to remember to take it out, there seems to be a lot less of it!
- Less dishes to wash. My son had a thing about not using a glass or dish for a different type of food or drink because it would be mixed up. Yeah, he’s kind of over that now since he has to wash his own things!
- Less clothes to wash. This is really only one less load & he was doing it himself before he left. My husband’s work clothes take up most of the washing!
- No getting up at 5:30 a.m. to take my son to the bus stop. It was only at the end of the drive, but it was dark & there was no shelter. So I drove him – mom’s prerogative!
- Food lasts longer! Anyone with more than one teenager – I feel for you! Constant eating!
The Weird
These are things that I didn’t expect & I may be the only one that thinks they’re weird! ; )
- I feel free. It’s a really weird feeling to realize you don’t have to be responsible for your child anymore. I mean, I’m still here when he needs me, but now I can choose not to be! Not that I would ever do that, but it’s a choice I have now. ; )
- I feel like I’m forgetting something constantly. Sometimes I’m really forgetting something, but usually it’s just because my son’s not with me.
- The fact that I feel free & like I’m forgetting something at the same time is a weird feeling all around!
All in all, it’s a new phase in my life. I’m learning to live life without a kid in the house & how to cook for only two normal bellies! It’s a new adventure & I’m just getting started! : D
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